I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
