so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The beer is more important than you right now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
