You just made me feel so damn special
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
