Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He better not be in your backpack
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
