Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
