Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
