i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
