maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
