Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
