My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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