can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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