I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
