i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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