Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
