Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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