Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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