He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
