I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
