my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
