Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
