That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
