She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
