we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
