for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
