Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
