I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So vagazzling was a success
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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