He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
