I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
