3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
