I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
