He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
