do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
