i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
