Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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