Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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