Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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