Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
