She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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