i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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