Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
