I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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