Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
