when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
