the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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