"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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