omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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