so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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