i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
