Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
