and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
