grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
