It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
